From one of my favorite comedy movies, Tommy Boy
, comes a great scene…
Tommy: Let’s think about this for a sec, Ted, why do they put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting. Here’s how I see it. A guy puts a fancy guarantee on the box ’cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Ted: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: ‘Course it does. Ya think if you leave that box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter.
Ted: What’s your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn’t a crazy glue sniffer? ‘Building model airplanes’ says the little fairy, but we’re not buying it. Next thing you know, there’s money missing off the dresser and your daughter’s knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.
Ted: But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of crap. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for right now, for your sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality item from me.
…Ted proceeds to buy a huge order from Tommy that day.
Even though I love the movie and most of the quotes, this one stuck out in my mind because it brings up a valid point referring back to Search Engine Optimization. You can’t “Guarantee” anything with a SEO campaign. The way Google, Yahoo and Bing categorize websites will be forever changing, getting tougher to keep pace and even more time consuming for a business owner to attempt themselves.
I read an online article recently from a Seattle newspaper from way back in 2004 about an SEO company, who promises/guaranteed their customers top rankings within the search engines for specified keywords. The article
explains how the customers and the state of Washington financially penalized the company for falsifying claims of guaranteed placement in the top 10 or 20 result links.
Be wary of any SEO or web development firm guaranteeing ANYTHING when it boils down to rankings and top spots in those complex search engines. These are the firms that “sniff glue”, “take money off your dresser” and, I won’t say
About the Author